Healthy Boundaries and Refusal Skills: Part 1

A boundary is anything that sets a border or limit. Boundaries can be used to define physical or emotional space, distance, or closeness between you and another person. Can you think of some types of physical boundaries? A wall or fence is a boundary, along with state lines, rivers, and the lines on a hockey rink. If we break these types of boundaries, there are often consequences:

 

 

• You may be arrested for trespassing.
• You may get a sports penalty.
• You may have to abide by different rules or laws if you cross into a different state or country.

 

 

People also have boundaries to protect the things that are most important to them and to protect themselves. Our boundaries help to define our “comfort zone.” You can make your own imaginary boundaries to help you think about what things are important to you in a relationship. Then, you can decide whom you allow to come close to you.

 

 

• You decide how you want to be treated (physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually).
• You decide whom you let into your space and how you let them into your space.
• You decide when and how often you see someone.
• You may set different boundaries for different people.
• Your boundaries may change over time.

 

 

Boundaries can exist beyond the physical. There are also behavioral, moral, and social boundaries, as well as many others. For example, you should set boundaries for which activities you participate in. Many high-school students feel peer pressure to consume alcohol and drugs. Setting a clear boundary that you do not want to engage in this behavior will help your peers understand and respect your decisions.