Communicating in Relationships: Part 1

Communication Styles

There are three parts to communication: the person talking, what is being said, and the person listening. If any part is unclear, the communication will break down. Clear communication means staying focused on the topic, choosing words carefully, making eye contact, checking for understanding, and being mindful of body language, volume, and tone.

 

There are four main styles of communication.

 

1. Passive communication is when a person tries to avoid conflict and holds back from expressing his or her opinion or feelings.

 

• Example: Someone pressures you and you don’t say anything.

 

 

2. Aggressive communication is when someone expresses their feelings in a way that may violate or hurt another person.

 

• Example: “You are such a jerk! You know you can’t talk to other people when you’re with me!”

 

 

3. Passive-Aggressive communication means that a person may seem passive on the surface, but they will act out their anger or disapproval in an indirect way.

 

• Example: They will say, “I’m fine, really.” But later, they will say, “They are so thoughtless. They don’t care how I feel.”

 

 

4. Assertive communication is when someone clearly expresses him- or herself using “I” messages in a way that conveys how they feel without violating the rights of others.

 

• Example: “I feel pressured when you want me to do things I am not ready to do.”

 

 

 

In the scenario below, what type of communication is occurring?

 

Natalya and her boyfriend Derek are having a disagreement. Natalya is upset, but keeps telling Derek that nothing is wrong when he asks. Later, she won’t return his calls or answer his text messages. She knows that it aggravates him when she ignores him.

 

- State of South Carolina Department of Education Comprehensive Health Education Instructional Units and Resources for Sexual Abuse and Sexual Assault Prevention Standards and Performance Indicators, p. 140

 

 

This would be passive-aggressive communication because Natalya is not straightforward about her feelings, but then acts on her anger later by ignoring Derek.